


Regulus Returns

by SoulWeaver_Balinia



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dorcas the Kangaroo, Gen, Harry is Confused, Luna has the Sight, Luna watches Doctor Who, Narcissa is all-knowing, Regulus is not dead, Regulus the Overgrown House Cat, Ron is a gambler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-02
Updated: 2014-01-02
Packaged: 2018-01-07 04:45:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1115659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoulWeaver_Balinia/pseuds/SoulWeaver_Balinia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Regulus discovers his brother is dead . . . four years after the fact. He decides to visit what little family he has left.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [seirios aster](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=seirios+aster).
  * Inspired by [Light of a Fading Star](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/33580) by seirios aster. 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Terry mourns, and Kreacher is hugged.

It was Snape's portrait, who told Sinistra, who informed Artemesia, who called Vesta, who told Terry that his brother had died four years previously.

Terry was heartbroken. He had to see someone. He flooed to Narcissa's.

As it turns out, Narcissa had known for a while. However, she was overjoyed to discover that her baby cousin hadn't been killed. She let Terry cry in her arms for a bit. When Draco came downstairs to see who his mother bad over, he was surprised to see her holding a weeping man who looked eerily similar to a boy in the photos she refused to speak of.

Narcissa sent Terry to the cellar to open the sealed door, giving him an armful of Dorcas Meadowes. Dorcas didn't weep when she heard of Sirius’s death, so much as just sigh in exasperation.

Narcissa sent them both to Andromeda's. Andy was overjoyed to discover that her favorite cousin was alive. She sobered up when she heard about why he was there. She held him too, and set Dorcas to the task of handling her grandson.

Andy eventually sent Terry over to Grimmauld Place. She wanted some alone time with Dorcas to regale her of Nymphadora’s and Remus’s epic love story, and inform her of their tragic, albeit heroic deaths.

Terry stumbled out of the fireplace in the basement of his childhood home, and subsequently landed flat on his face. He was immediately grateful for the hearthrug. He looked about the kitchen, attempting to familiarize himself to the place.

It was cheerier than he remembered. The table looked like it had received more use (they had almost always used the formal dining room in his youth), and the room had a lived in, homey feel. He absentmindedly wondered who could possibly be living there.

Then, of course, he spotted Kreacher.

“Kreacher!” Kreacher looked up, and gaped, speechless. Terry ran over to him, tears once again in his eyes. “Kreacher! Oh, I missed you so much! I’m so sorry!” He enveloped the aging house elf in a warm hug. Kreacher froze for a moment before hesitantly hugging back.

“Master Regulus?”

Regulus pulled back, and nodded.

“Master Regulus! Kreacher is overjoyed to see that Master Regulus is alive!” Kreacher’s face went solemn. “Kreacher apologises that he was unable to destroy the locket, but it was destroyed by Master Potter’s friend, with help from friend Severus Snape!”

Regulus was a bit confused for a moment. What did his brother’s friend’s son have to do with any of this? He decided to drop it. “You have nothing to apologise for, Kreacher. All of the horcruxes were destroyed in the end, and the Dark Lord is no more. That’s all that matters.”

Kreacher smiled up at him. “Would Master Regulus like Kreacher to take Master Regulus up to Master Regulus’s room?”

“Yes, I would appreciate that. Thank you, Kreacher.” He paused for a moment, thinking. “Kreacher, is there a portrait of Mother here?”

“Yes, Master Regulus. Master Potter has attempted to get rid of Mistress’s portrait many times, but Mistress’s portrait is still here.”

“I would like to speak with her. Could you show me where she is, Kreacher?”

“Of course, Master Regulus.”

Kreacher led him up out of the kitchen to the end of the main hallway, where a large pair of curtains hung. Regulus yanked them open, and was met with a startlingly realistic visage of his mentally ill, now deceased, mother.

“Hello, Mother.”

The portrait’s eyes widened. She looked like she was wondering whether or not she was hallucinating, which was, of course, entirely possible, given her mental state in life. “. . . Regulus?”

“Yes, Mother.”

“. . . Your brother told us you were dead.”

“I was. Now Sirius is, at the hands of Cousin Bella.”

Mother didn’t seem to know how to respond to that.

“Goodbye, Mother.” He made to close the curtains, but seemed to remember something. “Oh, and just so you know, I married a half-blood. A White, if you must know. So in the future, I would appreciate if you refrained from imposing your own blood-supremacy doctrine on the rest of the house. Good day.” Regulus pulled the curtains shut, leaving a shocked Walburga Black at a loss for words.

He turned to his ever-faithful (sometimes too much so) house elf. “Kreacher, could you please take me up to my room?”

Kreacher nodded, and, taking a hold of his master’s hand, began to lead him up the stairs.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ginny cooks dinner, and Dorcas and Terry have a bi-polar conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dorcas has been locked in Narcissa's basement for almost twenty years, and has been unable to watch TV. Of course she wants to catch up on Doctor Who! And it's the summer of 2000, so the reboot hasn't started yet.

“I don’t care what you think. Mint chocolate chip ice cream is far superior to Treacle Tart! I don’t even know why Florean serves that! I have a strong suspicion it has to do with you, I’ll have you know.”

“Shh, you’ll wake the portrait.”

They both slowly turned to look at the portrait in question. Surprisingly enough, Mrs. Black remained silent.

“That’s a miracle,” Ginny sighed in relief. “She almost never shuts up. Anyway, since Teddy’s at his grandmother’s for the weekend, we’ll have a bit of a respite. Let’s go down to the kitchen. I need to get dinner started anyway. Hermione and my brother are coming over. I invited Luna over as well, and I think she’s bringing her boyfriend.”

“Luna has a boyfriend?”

They started down the stairs. “I haven’t met him yet,” replied Ginny, “but she said over the phone that he’s really sweet. Apparently, her father approves as well.”

Harry tried to imagine what it was like for Luna’s boyfriend to meet Xenophilius Lovegood. There was probably lots of hugging, and involved Mr. Lovegood swinging his daughter around by the arms. Harry was glad he wasn’t there to experience it.

“Anyone else?”

“I think Luna said she’s bringing a friend over. Gemma White? She graduated last year. She’s a Gryffindor, and I believe she was in the DA with us.”

“Your parents aren’t coming, are they?”

“No, thank Merlin. I don’t think Luna’s boyfriend would be able to handle meeting too much of the extended family.”

Ginny started getting dinner ready. Harry plopped down at the table, and got out some paperwork that needed to be done by Monday.

“More work? But it’s Saturday night. Can’t you take the weekend off?”

“The paperwork an Auror has to go through, even one in training, is never ending.”

The fireplace flared up, and two people stumbled out of it. The first, with bright blue hair and a contagious smile, made a beeline straight to Harry.

“Hawy!”

“Hey, squirt!” Harry abandoned his paperwork and scooped his godson up onto his lap. “I thought you were staying with your grandmother this weekend.”

“Oops. My bad.” This came from the second person, a very tall blonde woman who looked vaguely familiar. “Andy sent me over.” She tilted her head a bit, and looked at Harry for a few moments, scrutinising him. A look of realisation crossed her face. “Oh! You must be Harry! Andy said you looked like James, but Merlin! You’re practically a carbon copy!” She had somehow, without Harry noticing, gotten very close to him. Teddy didn’t seem to mind. “And you have Lily’s eyes, too! Andy wasn’t kidding!” She pulled back, smiling disarmingly.

Ginny had paused in her dinner preparations, and was now wielding both her wand and a ladle rather threateningly. “Who are you?”

“Oh, right! Stupid me!” The woman smacked her forehead. “You’d think I’d remember this sort of thing. I’m Dorcas. Dorcas Meadowes. Former Auror.” She smiled widely.

Ginny looked skeptical, but slowly lowered her wand. She kept the ladle at ready, though. Harry examined Meadowes, confused, trying to remember where he had heard that name before.

Meadowes noticed their confusion. “I was friends with James, Lily, Siri-kins, Moony, Peter, Fabian, Gideon, Frank, Alice, you know. The whole crew.” Harry only recognised four of those names, although if he had to guess, Siri-kins probably referred to Sirius. Meadowes continued, “I went to school with your parents, kiddo.”

“Hey! I’m nineteen, I’ll have you know,” Harry replied indignantly.

“You also totally pwned Tommy, kid. So you’re pretty awesome.”

Someone else entered the kitchen, this time from upstairs. Ginny had her wand out again, and Harry subtly moved to hide Teddy.

“Reggie! I knew Andy sent me to the right place! Have you met the people who live here yet?”

The aforementioned ‘Reggie’ shook his head, and started staring at Harry, making him mildly uncomfortable. Harry noticed that Kreacher was holding the man’s hand, looking rather conflicted.

“Well, Reggie, this is Harry! James and Lily’s kid! And this lovely lady,” Meadowes gestured towards Ginny, who was still wielding her wand and ladle, “if I’m not mistaken, would be the great and terrifying Molly Prewett’s daughter!”

Ginny shifted her gaze to Meadowes, and glared. “I have a name, you know. It’s Ginny.” She slowly lowered her wand and ladle again.

The man in the doorway coughed. “The ‘great and terrifying’ was referring to Molly, I believe,” he said. “I’m Terry White. I’m sorry for intruding. Dorcas, we should probably—”

“Reggie! You married a White? Why didn’t you tell me?”

White dragged a hand over his face. “Please refrain from calling me Reggie, Dorcas. It’s confusing the owners of this house. We should—”

“Sorry, Terry!” interjected Meadowes, interrupting White again. “Hey, what’s Terry short for? Is it Tyrannosaurus? It would be so cool if you were named after a dinosaur! Or is it one of those weird constellation names?”

White sighed, and glared at Meadowes. “It’s Antares, if you must know,” he muttered. “Now, please repress your inner kangaroo; it’s freaking the child out.” White reached down and carefully pried Kreacher’s fingers off of his hand, sending the house elf a pointed look. Kreacher nodded back, and smiled.

Harry was dumbstruck.

Kreacher had smiled.

Kreacher had smiled at a complete stranger.

Kreacher had smiled at a complete stranger who was friends with the crazy, hyperactive, easily distracted, self-proclaimed former Auror Meadowes.

Ginny whacked the back of his head with her ladle. At some point, she had decided to ignore the craziness and resume cooking. It was apparently dinner for eleven now, instead of eight. Ron could eat enough for two people, sometimes, and if she made too much, they could always have the leftovers for lunch tomorrow.

“Quit gaping. You’ll catch flies.” Harry quickly snapped his jaw shut. Kreacher went back upstairs.

Teddy had been watching the banter back and forth with some interest. Now that the two had paused, he turned to Harry. “Hawy! Dorcath is fun! We played wescue the dwagon! She made a good dwagon out of my blanky!”

Harry smiled down at his two-year-old godson. “Did she really?” It was Harry’s personal opinion that he had gotten very good at handling young children. Ginny did not share his view.

“Isn’t that what ’Dora used to make us play whenever Andy asked us to babysit?” wondered White.

“No, silly,” said Meadowes, “we played ‘Save the Princess’. If I remember correctly, when you babysat, Nymphie made you the sidekick, and she was the prince.”

Well. That was a rather strange way to play.

“And you, the original guitarist of the Hobgoblins, were in your punk phase at the time. I think you had your hair dyed blue. According to Andy, she was not happy when Nymphie started using her metamorphmagus talents to turn her hair outrageous colors. She didn’t want her emulating you.”

“I was a teenage Death Eater at the time, Dorcas. I wouldn’t have wanted ’Dora to emulate me either.”

“Well, she didn’t know that. She was a little kid. Besides, whenever I babysat, I was the dragon. Nymphie said I made a better dragon than Siri-kins.”

“Anyone would have been a better dragon than Sirius. Besides, didn’t he usually transfigure something else to be the dragon?”

“You’re forgetting the time that all of the Marauders babysat. Remus was the prince, James was the useless bard, Peter was the horse, and Sirius was the dragon. That was the only time that Nymphie was the princess. Oh! Nymphie then turned Sirius back into her ‘useless older cousin who was stupid enough to annoy [her] evil Aunt Sauron.’”

Harry guessed that ‘evil Aunt Sauron’ was referring to Bellatrix. He doubted it was Narcissa, as she wasn’t ‘evil’ exactly.

“Wasn’t that the time ’Dora asked Remus to marry her?”

“Yes! He defeated the evil lord, so Nymphie proposed!”

This was definitely one of the strangest conversations that Harry had ever been privy to. This included the time he and Malfoy had been arguing whether or not Dean and Seamus were going out. Which they were, much to Ron’s despair, as he had lost that particular bet.

There was a slight pause. Then Meadowes went completely off topic. “Hey, did Doctor Who get rebooted?”

Harry resumed doing his paperwork, only half listening to their conversation. Teddy was still watching them intently, not wanting to miss a single piece of quality entertainment, while Ginny cooked dinner.

“No, Dorcas. There was a movie about the Eighth Doctor that came out in ’95, though. I think it’s available on tape now.”

“Buy it for me? Please?” Meadowes gave White the puppy dog eyes.

White sighed. “I have it at home. You can borrow it. I’ll call Vesta later, but I’m going to ask her to send over all the books on Eight as well. You will read them, as the movie is the only piece of media Eight is in. I’ll let you borrow the audio recordings as well, but you have to return them once you’re finished. All of them. Am I clear?”

“Crystal.” There was another pause. “Hey, is it true that in sixth year you and Barty really–”

White quickly cut her off. “Yes,” he gritted out, “but we broke up at the end of the year. Don’t talk about this stuff in front of . . .” White looked at Teddy, whose hair had changed from bright blue to neon green. “. . . ’Dora’s kid. That is ’Dora’s kid, right?”

“Mm-hm!” Meadowes nodded her head enthusiastically. “Nymphie managed to woo Moony into becoming un-porridge-like. From what Andy told me, it was quite the accomplishment.” Her face fell. “Unfortunately, Nymphie and Moony fell to Death Eaters at the Battle of Hogwarts.”

White unconsciously gripped his left forearm. “Oh. Did they fight to the end, at least?”

“Yes. They did.”

“Good.” White finally moved out of the doorway and sat opposite Harry and Teddy, his back to the table. Meadowes sat on the floor. “Anyone left?”

“Not that I know of. Well, unless you count your cousins, of course. And Molly, obviously. Andy says,” Meadowes gulped, “that Bellatrix put Frank and Alice in St. Mungo’s, and Barty allegedly got the Dementor’s Kiss. Bella’s dead, though. Molly killed her.”

White let out an audible sigh of relief. Harry assumed it was about Bellatrix.

“And Lucy’s alive. Although I don’t think he ever counted. Too pompous and obsessed with his hair.”

It took Harry a moment to realise that ‘Lucy’ referred to Lucius Malfoy. He stifled a chuckle. Meadowes gave some pretty hilarious nicknames.

“Sev . . . He’s dead?”

Harry looked up from his paperwork, and although the question had been directed at Meadowes, answered, “Yeah. I watched Voldemort kill him.”

This brought a sad smile to White’s face, as he turned to face Harry. “Good for him. I knew Sev had it in him to offend the Dark Lord.”

Harry now knew that White was a former Death Eater, but assumed he had betrayed the cause in the first war. He decided not to mention that Voldemort had killed Snape not because he offended him, but because he thought Snape was the wielder of the Elder Wand. The memories showed that Snape was a good guy, and Harry supposed that he had technically betrayed Voldemort by working for Dumbledore.

“He became Headmaster after Dumbledore died.” Oops. He hadn’t meant for that to slip out.

White looked him in the eye. “Sev killed him, didn’t he.” It wasn’t a question. Harry gulped. “He took someone else’s place. Who was it?”

“Draco Malfoy,” said Ginny. Dinner was in the oven, and on the stove, and otherwise ready, so she joined Harry at the table.

“Cissy’s kid?” asked Meadowes. “Wait . . . this wasn’t part of some elaborate scheme formulated years before where Dumbledore told Snape to kill him so the true owner of the Elder Wand would be Draco who wouldn’t know about it and then Tommy would think that Snape was, and kill him for it, was it?”

Both Harry and Ginny resisted the overwhelming urge to gape. White simply turned around to look at Meadowes. “Only you would have the nerve to call the Dark Lord Tommy, Dorcas.”

She grinned in response.


	3. Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which wrackspurts are huon particles, and Rolf meets Gemma's uncle.

Rolf Scamander was rather nervous. He was going to be having dinner with Harry Potter.

No, that wasn’t the problem. It was that he was going to be having dinner with Harry Potter, Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, and Luna Lovegood. And Gemma White, Luna’s best friend.

Luna was amazing, though. She saw so much, and although some of the things she saw weren’t there, Rolf had decided that those things were just made-up names for things that really were there, but just couldn’t be seen by people without the Sight or the assistance of Spectre Specs.

For instance, whenever Luna said she saw wrackspurts, it was usually on someone who had used a time-turner at some point in their life.

Rolf did not have the same opinion of her father, though. The fact that Xenophilius Lovegood had managed to obtain a Class B Tradeable Material (Dangerous and subject to strict control) and had not known that it was an Erumpet horn meant that he: a. was insane (which he was, somewhat), b. frequented shops in Knockturn Alley (which was unlikely), c. had stolen it from Professor Slughorn’s potion supplies (possible, but highly unlikely), or d. accepted it as a gift from a complete stranger and didn’t even think to ask him what it was. Rolf believed strongly in a and d.

But back to Luna. She had been speaking very cryptically about this dinner for the entire week. This, of course, further contributed to Rolf’s nervousness.

“I will finally encounter the kangaroo! I am interested to see how the platyroo and the kangaroo will be similar.”

“Oh! The Amazing Bolting Leopard will be going as well!”

It was times like these that he was happy that Gemma was coming as well. He could ask what a ‘platyroo’ was.

As soon as Gemma arrived, they would leave. In the living room of their apartment, Luna was magicking up reruns of Doctor Who on the television.

In ’98, a bright young American witch named Eliot Thompson had managed to re-wire an old television she found in her basement to be compatible with magic. She managed to get a patent from the American Bureau of Magic, and they were now available for purchase, for a steep price. If you knew the name and episode number of the show you wanted to watch, as long as it had aired on the telly, you could see it. Your wand doubled as a remote.

Rolf had gotten one for Luna when they first began living together, and Luna had immediately become engrossed in Doctor Who. She said once that almost everyone on-screen was covered in fake wrackspurts.

Rolf didn’t know how wrackspurts could be fake, but decided not to question Luna’s logic.

The doorbell rang. Rolf answered it.

“Luna! Gemma’s here! Let’s go!”

“Coming, salamander!” That was Luna’s nickname for Rolf. He liked it.

They flooed over to Grimmauld Place. Harry, Ginny, a little boy who was probably Teddy, and two strangers sat in the kitchen.

Luna practically skipped over to the woman sitting on the floor. “Kangaroo!” She tilted her head to the side. “The platyroo does somewhat resemble you.”

The unknown man at the table chuckled. “Platyroo? As in platypus? Dorcas, when did you and Barty have a thing?”

“Barty’s father locked him in his house after he snuck him out of Azkaban. We went barhopping in ’84, Barty got imperiused by his father for ten years, and I got pregnant. Cissy let me out that night, okay? I gave the baby up for Muggle adoption. Or Cissy did. Someone did, anyway.”

Gemma was staring at the man at the table. “Uncle Terry?”

“Gemma? Hey! How’s my favorite niece doing?”

“Why are you here?”

Terry, evidently Gemma’s uncle, adopted a guilty look. “Vesta got a call from your mum. Did Peter tell you what I said to your great-grandmother? About your father?”

Gemma nodded.

“Because of that.”

It was obvious that Gemma wanted to hear more, but she changed the subject. “How are Macha and Leo doing?”

“Macha’s still going to the Salem Institute. She’s taking some summer remedial courses. Leo’s been having fun in New York with some of his friends.” Terry paused for a moment, before asking, “So . . . fifth year. Were you all right? I haven’t seen you since then, and I—”

“I was fine. Mum kept me safe.”

“Good. Artemesia was always good at that.”

Rolf turned his attention back over to Dorcas and Luna, who seemed to be having a staring contest. This was going to be an interesting dinner.


	4. Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is a dinner party, and Ron tries to cash in a bet.

Harry was relieved when he heard a knock at the door. Trying to follow these conversations was giving him a headache.

Then he realised that if he could hear the knock at the front door all the way from the kitchen, that the knock had been very loud. Loud enough to wake the portrait of Sirius’s mother.

When he got to the foyer, he was relieved to discover that Mrs. Black was still quiet.

He opened the door to let Ron and Hermione in.

“I brought firewhiskey!” Ron shouted.

Hermione immediately shushed him. Harry glanced warily back at the portrait. It remained silent. He made a mental note to ask Kreacher about it later.

Down in the kitchen, after everyone had been introduced, Ginny announced that dinner was ready. During a hearty meal of lasagna and chicken noodle soup (which went surprisingly well together), Dorcas Meadowes told tales of her school days.

“Back then, Sirius’s brother, Regulus, had a thing for Lily. Everybody had a thing for Lily, though, except for Remus, who was porridge-like and had other issues, and Barty, who was pining after Reggie.” Harry wondered why Barty Crouch, Jr. kept popping up in their conversations. “Anyway, Snape and James both asked Lily out to Hogsmeade on Valentine’s day. Instead of choosing, she grabbed Reggie and dragged him on a date instead. That night, she snogged him in front of the entire school in the Great Hall. Reggie was terrified that Snape was going to kill him.”

White, for some reason, was blushing a deep red.

“Oh! One time, during detention in the kitchens, I slipped a potion that revealed everyone’s animagus forms in the food. Remus was a seahorse!”

“You put him in a goblet of pumpkin juice,” White pointed out.

“Snape crashed into a wall!”

“Sev was a giant, highly disoriented fruit bat who couldn’t handle the cacophony. He hid in the rafters until it wore off. Luckily, he managed to perform a cushioning charm last minute.”

“You turned into an overgrown house cat.”

“It was a juvenile black leopard, thank you very much. You were a kangaroo.”

“Remus turned me into a kangaroo again later, you know.”

“Believe me, I remember. You were released into the Slytherin locker room, and beat the living daylights out of the entire team.”

“Nu-uh! Reggie, you hid in a locker.”

“That I did. And the substitute Gryffindor Seeker sucked, so I had to put everyone out of their misery and catch the snitch. You still ended up beating us by over a thousand points!”

Dorcas seemed oddly proud of herself at this statement. “No one can defeat a kangaroo armed with boxing gloves!” She and Luna high-fived.

White sighed, and turned to Gemma. “How’s your mother doing?”

“Fine. She says that her students are getting better at inter-house cooperation. I think it would be difficult to learn about summoning circles otherwise.”

Hermione asked, “Is Professor Vector your mother?”

Gemma nodded.

“Which one’s Prof’ Vector, again?” asked Ron.

“The Arithmancy professor, you idiot,” answered Hermione, jabbing her boyfriend in the ribs.

“Hey! What was that for?”

“Ooh! Ooh! Artemesia’s a professor? Good for her! Did I tell you about the time she locked Auriga Sinistra and Snape in a closet for three hours? Sinistra snogged Snape’s brains out!”

“I knew it! I told you Prof’ Sinistra and Snape were going out!”

“Sinistra’s a professor too? Let me guess: Astronomy.” White received affirmative nods.

“You owe me five galleons, Harry. For that matter, so does Neville! And Dean!”

“You made that bet five years ago, Ron. You can’t collect on it now.” Harry sighed. “Besides, remember the one about Dean and Seamus?”

“That wasn’t fair!”

“You knew Seamus was gay!”

“It still wasn’t fair!”

“Neville and I still won.”

Ron crossed his arms and proceeded to pout.

“So, Rolf,” began Hermione, eager to change the subject, “are you by any chance related to Newt Scamander? Author of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them?”

“Yes. He’s my great great grandfather. And, to quote Albus Dumbledore, he has been ‘long since resigned to the relentless grafitiing of his masterpiece.’ People seem to really like to draw in his book.”

Harry and Ron looked guiltily at each other. Hermione smiled knowingly at them.

“So,” said Harry, glancing around, “where have Luna and Dorcas disappeared to?”

“Probably to the attic, so they can discuss their varieties of Sight in private,” said White,

“And Gemma?”

“Took Teddy up to the library and is currently searching for kid-friendly books to read to him.”

Harry suddenly put it all together. The fact that Dorcas called him Reggie, the Slytherin Seeker thing, Kreacher’s adoration, and, finally, White’s apparent familiarity with the house.

“You’re Regulus Black, aren’t you?”

Regulus blanched. “What? How— No, wait, the locket, of course—” His eyes widened. “You and Dumbledore went to the cave. He drank the potion, you got my locket. The potion. That’s why Snape didn’t hesitate to kill him. He was dying anyway.”

“Well,” said Ron, “you just proved your own identity. Although, you’re dead.”

“So’s Dorcas,” said Regulus. “She’s been locked in Narcissa Malfoy’s basement for the past two decades. Cissy got a shopping partner, Dorcas got to hide from the Death Eaters who couldn’t kill her.”

Harry suddenly remembered where he had heard the name Dorcas Meadowes before. It was when Sirius showed him the picture of the original Order of the Phoenix.

“How are you not dead?” continued Ron.

“Sev saved me after the lake. Dragged me out. Bella showed up. The Dark Lord didn’t know about the locket, but I had refused to kill Sirius. Hey, did Dorcas slip Veritaserum in my drink at some point? ’Cause I feel really sleepy . . .” He passed out and slumped onto the table.

Dorcas peered around the doorway the kitchen. Luna followed suit.

Harry sighed. “So Regulus Black’s alive, then? I wonder if I’ll have to give up the house.”

“Yes,” Luna replied, “the Amazing Bolting Leopard lives. Also: the dog star is Gemma’s father, and the platypus is living in the walls of Hogwarts.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was this little fic I found on ff.net that had Ron betting on everyone's love lives. It was Dean/Seamus slash. Also: Sirius is Gemma's dad, Barty is living in the walls and scaring first years, and Regulus has the same Veritaserum allergy that Sirius has: it makes him fall asleep.


	5. Omake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which David Tennant is really Barty Crouch, Jr.

“How did Barty manage to change his name to David Tennant, play himself in a Harry Potter movie, and get to be the Tenth Doctor? On top of that, he basically denies his own existence in the second episode of his second season on the show! Life isn’t fair!”

“Don’t worry, kangaroo. You can still visit the platyroo. He goes under the Doctor’s favorite human pseudonym, and would be overjoyed to meet his birth mother.”


End file.
